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5 steps to authentic confidence

Updated: Oct 24, 2020

I was recently invited to talk about authentic confidence, and I thought what else could be more authentic than speaking about my own experience. I wanted to share this journey and self reflection, with the aim of encouraging others to step out of their comfort zone.

1. Decide what success looks like

With all goals and tasks, you need to set out clear, concise, realistic and achievable goals. Ask yourself what is it I am trying to achieve? What is it I am trying to overcome? What would you like to feel successful doing? For me, I wanted to challenge my perception that public speaking is a necessary but not a enjoyable task. I want to feel confident and excited about doing it. I am passionate about helping others achieve their desired wellbeing and personal growth, and I want to enjoy speaking out about how this is possible. I decided the best way to achieve this, is by starting off with small audiences and challenging myself to speak in front of larger and larger audiences every month.

2. Practice makes perfect sense

Think of something you do everyday, like driving or riding a bike. Now, do you remember your first time attempting to do any of these everyday activities? You practised time and time again before you felt confident doing these activities. This applies to building your confidence in other aspects. So I applied this approach in preparation for my talk. Not surprising, I noticed the correlation between doing something over and over again and becoming at ease doing it.

3. You have the power to control your thoughts 

Negative self talk is your own creation. Replace it with positive and encouraging thoughts. Start by catching those unhelpful thoughts and challenging them with a multiple of positive phrases. For me, the phrases that help were 'I have done this before', 'I am confident of my abilities' and 'you know you can do this'.

4. Its all in your head

Your inner critic is madly waving the red flag. The negative self talk kicks in and slowly starts to eat at your confidence. So how do you combat this? A good place to start is with a reality check; ask yourself: is this really me? Is there evidence that the worst will happen? What can you do to avoid this from happening? Get into action rather than procrastinating about the worst.

5. Visualise your success

If none of these previous steps have convinced you yet, then simply try to imagine yourself achieving your goal. It might feel strange at first, but once you let that feeling pass you will start to benefit from the positive thoughts. I practice visualisation every morning and every night in preparation for my day or to overcome any negative self talk or anxiety. If you do this often, very quickly, you will notice how good it feels, as a smile spreads across your face and the inner glow warms you. Use that feeling and get into action.

If you have further questions or would like assistance to build confidence or discuss other wellbeing challenges, get in touch with me - Kemi Fadero.

Kemi Fadero is a Wellbeing Consultant and Coach based in Cambridge, UK. Kemi’s career encompassed working for multinationals in various continents. Her interest in wellbeing and coaching was a result of working in an increasingly challenging business landscape and juggling a household of three kids containing a set of twin boys. Over the years working in corporate life, she noticed the increased demands of modern life on her family, colleagues and friends. She decided to help others feeling the strain of modern life by leveraging her background in Psychology, Counselling and her passion for fitness and wellbeing. She now coaches individuals seeking to overcome their wellbeing challenges and works with organisations to develop wellbeing programs.

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